"Remarriage: Hope & Redemption" - Communication In Love

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful marriage. In Ephesians 4:15, the Bible encourages us to "speak the truth in love." Honest and open communication, coupled with love and respect, is vital for addressing issues and building trust. Regularly discussing feelings, concerns, and expectations fosters a deeper connection between partners.

Listen as we speak from our own personal experiences, giving our listeners some tools and counsel, and encouraging remarried couples to keep on doing the work!

Transcript

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what's up everybody my name is Heath Brady and I'm Andrea Brady and we are your Churchosity podcast Personnel once again coming at you coming at you so Andy my love yes dear I'm communicating with love oh wow look at you jumping the gun but in good context yeah how are you doing I'm doing all right I got a little frog in my throat uh-oh allergies yeah it's that time I'm pressing on yeah not that I've obtained allergy free yet but I press on I know I do I press on yeah allergies even with all my allergy medicine I still have a little froggy in there a little bit that's okay in case anyone hears it that's what that is it makes you sound distinguished oh does it yes does that mean old no means wise oh wise distinguished Like A Cut Above the Rest I see which you are thank you my queen a well you and I got lots of exciting stuff going on that we'll maybe let you in on later but let me just tell you guys God is good and exciting things are happening and uh I'm really looking forward to seeing what the Lord's going to do yeah it's pretty exciting I also wanted to take just a quick moment here and just thank all of our church ocity listeners and viewers over the last month we've really seen some serious like growth in the realm of listenership and viewership yeah it's been great yeah and it's it's really because I know that I've jokingly said this so many times but you know whenever I sit behind this microphone I just think you know nobody really cares what we have to say but people do so we keep coming back and we because we love it and we love being able to talk about church culture and have fun and be edifying with all of you so thank you all of our listeners and viewers for making us a part of your lives and my prayer is that we are not your primary source for biblical truth and edification that you are plugged into your local church well yeah that would be awesome but we are thrilled that for a brief period of time every week you hang with us cuz without you we wouldn't be here I know it's an honor isn't it yes it really really is so from the bottom of our hearts we here at church aity we thank you and we're going to keep on keeping on right Andy mhm that's right yeah well you mentioned uh how you were doing how you were communicating with love M and that is the next topic of conversation in our series about remarriage yes but before we dive into that conversation we want to remind all of you to please give us a rating and leave us a review because your ratings and your reviews not only help popularize church oity but they also o make us a heck of a lot easier for other people to find us as well we also want to encourage you all to check out our website go to church o.com where you will find the home for all things church oity you can listen to our episodes read our blogs hang out for a while give it a gander and don't forget to fill out the survey because we want to hear your opinions and suggestions and stuff so hang out a while and enjoy

[Music] church.com well honey yes you ready to start communicating with love yes my [Laughter] dear do I detect a hint of sarcasm no you do a very good job actually H yeah really yeah you guys heard that I mean you know over time we've both worked on it yes and I think that uh we've got some handy helpful tips for people yes and some tools yes I agree marriage in and of itself is hard work mhm but in the context of remarriage the work is considerably harder and I don't mean to sound overbearing or negative I'm just being real and if you're remarried or in the process of becoming remarried then you know full well that it's not all rainbows and butterflies there's a lot of work that goes into it MH and probably one of the most important aspects of successfully navigating the Waters of a healthy remarriage is the way that you Comm communicate with one another specifically husband and wife but also with the kids if there are kids involved and if there are kids involved then that means that there are the others involved oh yes and so there are several different layers several different levels of communication that needs to be saturated with love and I'm not talking about the O we're in love I'm talking about the unconditional love the love that only comes from Christ because as you mentioned previously Andy uh we can't do any of this on our own no because our own efforts are what got us in the predicament that we were in in the first place let's say we can't genuinely do this effectively yeah genuinely without Jesus authentically authentically yes yes so on this episode we are going to talk about several different aspects of communication with love and how it nurtures lasting Bonds in Christian remarriages mhm effective communication is the Cornerstone of any successful marriage would you agree yeah Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to speak the truth in love uh-oh yeah notice that can be scary yeah notice it didn't stop it speak the truth in love honey does this dress look good on

me not falling into that trap honest and open communication coupled with love and respect is vital for addressing issues and building trust M regularly discussing feelings concern ears and expectations Fosters a deeper connection between partners M uh catch that regularly discussing feelings yeah that's both Partners feelings yeah not one or the other and expectations yes and expectations MH but it's interesting in our culture there's a stigma around men having feelings and not alone not just have alone having feelings but discussing their feelings cuz you know when guys get together we love to talk about our feelings with each other right well but that's not what I mean yeah what I mean is that there's this I think you referred to it previously as the ManUp culture oh yeah the machismo culture toxic masculinity yes yeah if I'm a guy then I'm not supposed to be emotional I'm not supposed to have feel feelings I'm just supposed to man up right I know a lot of men were raised that way so it's kind of hard to let go of some of those ideas and try something new it's very true very true I think it's a lot in our generation were raised that way I was raised that way it's it's really kind of interesting how complementarian our culture has raised Our Generation in older Generations you know I think it's fairly common now with younger people I'd say maybe you know in their 30s and younger that they're more comfortable talking about their feelings I could I could be wrong but I that's from what I've seen well I think you're right like think of our kids like that you know they're all in their 20s and early 30s and they have no problem telling us how they're feeling sometimes I wish [Laughter]

stop but it's it's true it seems like as time goes on and that that that stigma is slowly starting to dissipate but but I think that this is crucial to regularly discuss feelings you know and and concerns and expectations it matters because you know when you're in a remarriage context there's a lot of stuff under the surface that doesn't exist in a firsttime marriage mhm you know like things like the wh ifs you know what if we'd always been together mhm you know certainly Andy you and I have had those conversations a lot true we did you know we in our in our previous lives the two of us you know we had sticky situations but we between the two of us had five beautiful children mhm and so there's this kind of underlying conflict that even the kids can receive the spillover effect from when you start talking about well what if we'd always been together and we should have always been together and man it would have been better if we'd always been together and if the kids are around those conversations or start feeling that energy coming from the the both of you then they start to think well if you guys were always supposed to be together then does that mean that we're accidents and don't have a purpose or don't belong so you know that that's that's one of those touchy kind of things you know what I mean yeah and that's not being sensitive to their hearts exactly but at the same time it's a real conversation between partners you know what if this wonderful thing that you and I have always existed how much better would our lives have been in as individuals and as a couple right I think it's a fair conversation to have but I think that it's dangerous to dwell there for long periods of time yeah because then you start living in this what if World instead of being present to what is yeah and then of course there's all the baggage right we talked about that in our last episode yeah baggage that doesn't exist in a first marriage mhm and that well people can still have baggage from previous Partners they can yeah yeah but you know baggage ultimately leads to insecurities so there you know like like I'll I'll be the first one to admit I think that that 99% of the issues that you and I have had to wrestle with in our marriage exist because of insecurities from us not always being together yes I would I would agree with that yeah and so that those are those are things that that you and or your partner are going to have strong feelings about strong concerns about and so it's important to regularly talk through those things yeah I mean last episode we talked about being vulnerable with one another and talking about things doing it afraid even though it's might not be something you're used to but these things are super important for developing that strong Foundation right and creating something new with your partner now exactly and kind of you know getting it right this time mhm it's important to be willing to be vulnerable it's hard but you can do it yes with Jesus's help yes you know well Andy I know that you and I truthfully believe that effective communication is the lifeblood of any successful marriage Y and Christian remarriage is no exception so on this episode we are going to explore some of the profoundly impactful ways that communicating with love in the context of remarriage are drawn from the inspiration of the Bible and we're going to emphasize some of its crucial roles in building and sustaining a strong marriage awesome so first off let's talk about biblical guid on loving communication right speaking the truth in love yeah the Bible emphasizes the importance of speaking with love and kindness in Ephesians 4:15 we are instructed instead speaking the truth in love we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head that is Christ so you see this verse underscores the transform forming power of Truth spoken in love because it Fosters understanding and growth in the Journey of your remarriage you know it's not necessarily what you say it's how you say it right because if your feelings are valid and your concerns are valid and your opinions are valid you got to speak the truth mhm but it's all about the how right and the how we speak to one another the how and not just with words but with actions too some of the some of the most Pro profound and longlasting communication is done through action and not words well yeah absolutely but if it comes from the vantage point of love then that kind of breaks through those barriers that might be created between partners because of insecurities because of drama because of baggage and also helps to cultivate that atmosphere of good will for one another right building up that trust because there's trust issues from those insecurities as well and if I if I can if I can grow in my trust that you have good will for me then I know that every time you need to talk to me about something or want to talk to me about something that it's going to come not only from a vantage point of love but because you have good will for me and Believe in Us well yeah that's super important knowing that the other person has good will towards you that's huge it should be very important to protect that in a relationship yeah we call that our usess yes if you violate usess by purposefully trying to hurt the other person in the middle of an argument then you have work to do not only to rebuild that trust but to learn how to not do that again right and really it's about putting the other person first because you know when we're acting out in that way it's to protect ourselves or what we think we we're we're doing is somehow protecting ourselves but instead it's hurting considering the other person first I think I read that somewhere oh yeah in the

Bible Philippians chap 2: 3 and 4 do nothing and in the Greek that means nothing by the way do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit but with humility of Mind regard one another as more important than yourselves do not merely look at out for your own personal interests but also for the interests of others I knew I'd read that somewhere yeah that's a really good one to keep in mind yeah yeah and this principle is so important for the foundation of your healthy marriage you know in the realm of communication and Trust right um yeah cuz if you can't communicate what else have you got yeah I mean everything kind of breaks down from there yep and miscommunication that's definitely something that needs to be worked on well you know miscommunications happen all the time they do and we you know what's really funny is after you've been married a while or you've been in your relationship for a while you kind of know you start seeing patterns and you really the things that we miscommunicate about it's like the same things over and over again you and me yeah yeah and it's kind of funny so instead of it being something that is um abrasive it can be something that's funny instead once you realize what happens y it's just kind of like oh it's like honey look at look at what we're arguing about oh gosh here we go again yes isn't that funny yeah but it took time for us to get there mhm and it's it's that it's just that constant work constantly working at it because the usess is the most important thing and communicating with love is how you protect the usess right what about creating a safe space through love statistics show that couples who prioritize open communication are more likely to report higher levels of marital satisfaction well there's a big duh in other words by creating a safe space where both parts Partners feel heard and valued remarried couples can build a foundation of trust and intimacy Proverbs 151 reinforces this idea a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger yeah I have no idea what that's talking about

no well I'm look I'm thinking about what you said about prioritizing your communication mhm you know I mean most people try to have a date night but I think every single day you should have some time where you spend with your partner just talking luckily you and I both like to talk so that's to each other especially yeah so every morning we have coffee time mhm and that's when we you know maybe after the first couple sips of coffee we ready yeah to start communicating and I just I love that so much cuz it gives me an opportunity to share with you my ideas and things that we've been thinking about and you share with me and I don't know it really built intimacy MH uh just over the years doing that like every day if we don't get a chance to do it I miss it yeah very true yeah and if we don't get our time in the evening before we go to bed to sit and be together and chat and talk about whatever too yeah we call that unwind time unwind time yeah I'm I'm really blessed and fortunate to have had that demonstrated for me in the example of my grandparents because they did the very same thing like literally every single morning my grandparents would get up and have breakfast and talk and they would have devotions and pray and I and then at night they would hang out together also and I as a kid I just thought man someday when I get married I want to do this very same thing cuz my grandparents it was gross but they were so crazy in love with each other and now at the age that we're at and that's what we're doing man like I know seriously I'd be sad if you and I had a relationship where we didn't get to talk much during the day and I had to wait till our date night yeah to hang out and talk I mean some people might be able to get to be okay with that but I don't think I personally could be okay with that remember you remember early on in our marriage yeah we were like talking all day long while I was at work cuz I had a Bluetooth back then and eventually it got to the point where I wasn't being very productive because I was talking with you so much and I had to come home and tell you honey we we can't talk except for on my breaks because it's distracting me and remember how like upsetting that was that we couldn't talk like all day long anymore yeah I know it was so funny but it just made the unwind time even more special because I would come home and we'd have a cup of coffee and sit on the couch and have unwind time so it was really cool yeah talk about each other's day and you know whatever very cool huh yep and we're talking about a safe space Also here yeah so the Fortress of Solitude yes yeah having that safe space with your partner to be able to talk and know that whatever you say you're saying in love and not from a vantage point of selfishness and that it's going to be received well hopefully y because changing the filter well we've talked about bruises yes so if you're listening to your partner and they're starting to sound like somebody else that you may not want to about be thinking about we have to re realize that person is they're not the same person they just poke a bruise and realizing you know they don't have ill will toward you that's like changing the filter through which you hear and observe your partner yep putting on a different set of glasses you know seeing them in a different light mhm that's changing the filter and that whole idea of changing the filter is crucial for a lot of reasons but not the least of which is even if your new partner says or does something similar to the previous situation mhm they're still not that person mhm so changing the filter helps you to hear and see some of the same things as before but with different ears right because your new partner you both are working towards being united and having Goodwill towards each other right and it's okay to be honest and say ow you just poked my bruise yeah I know you're not that person but it reminded me of that and being sensitive it takes a long time to heal some things some bruises may never heal yeah those are the ones that you never want poked yeah yeah what about active listening as an act of Love okay James 1: 19 encourages Believers to be quick to listen slow to speak and slow to become angry active listening is a manifestation of Love demonstrating a genuine interest in understanding one's partner in the context of remarriage fostering a habit of attentive listening promotes empathy and strengthens the emotional connection between spouses you know what this makes me think of H mirroring yes so that's one of our tools also and honey do you want to explain what mirroring is it's no secret or surprise that there are that there are differences between men and women in the way that we hear each other oh yeah and the way that we communicate with each other I have nothing to wear I was going to say let me give you a couple examples somebody says I you know one person says I have nothing to wear well that can mean me something different to the woman than it does to the man right M and so my point is that when you're in situations where you're communicating with each other even if you're communicating in love it is important to get into the habit of practicing mirroring which is one of the most valuable tools that you and I were ever given and it's really very simple you know your your partner says something to you so I say I have nothing to wear and then I would say so what I think I hear you saying is you don't have anything clean to wear no that's not it I just don't have anything that is new or that I think looks good right now is there anything wrong with what I thought I heard you saying no it's just different but what happens is in a lot of our relationships is that we make what we think we heard the truth yeah and the conversation the communication the behavior continues based off of what really is a miscommunication because Andy you said something to me and what you meant was something totally different than what I thought I heard you say so it's very important to incorporate into your conversations as couples mirroring so what I think I hear you saying is dot dot dot and if you heard correctly they will tell you if you heard incorrectly they will also tell you so then when you have to be the person to explain what you were actually saying you have to do that with love that's right and not be impatient be slow to become angry exactly right but mirroring is important because it's it's how you stay in the pocket it's how you stay on the same page and it's how you stay nice with each other yeah it does help a lot and and that's part of active listening like like you we also have to admit we don't understand everything that we say to each other because there's always conflict yeah and the majority of conflict arises when we're when we're not really hearing what the other person is saying sometimes bes besides mirroring it's important to try and dig a Little Deeper mhm so if you know if we're having a conversation and you know I I say something and rather than you mirroring me and saying what you think you hear me saying you will say what do you mean by that or what does that mean what does that mean right yeah like that's safe too and that's probably even a better way uh than just mirroring alone right you can you can employ both tactics as well you know because maybe I'm not really getting what you're saying so to say okay what do you mean by that what does that mean and then you say what that means and maybe I still don't get it then I'm like so okay what I think I hear you saying is and see the goal always is unification the goal always is being on the same page the goal always is usess MHM connection yes and it's done from a vantage point of love right so communication isn't just what we say and it isn't just what we do but it's also how we are listening CU it shows that we're invested in the relationship isn't that awesome yeah what about choosing your words

wisely and I'm not talking about walking on eggshells no Proverbs 18: 21 says the tongue has the power of life and death yeah in remarriage the choice of words is pivotal using words that uplift and encourage even in moments of disagreement contributes to a positive atmosphere couples should I would argue must strive to express themselves honestly yet constructively ensuring that their words build up rather than tear down mhm and like I said that doesn't mean walking on eggshells you still have to communicate there's always several ways to say something oh yeah so many different ways yeah yeah like how could you say this better right yeah sometimes it's not necessarily walking on eggshells but it's also choosing words wisely sometimes we just blah blather out whatever we're thinking without any kind of filter at all and it's just a big mistake sometimes mhm y because you know we're selfish yeah and I think that if you don't take into consideration the other person's heart when you're talking you're not choosing your words wisely yeah they're just you know flowing free and sometimes it merits a timeout you know calling a Timeout on the conversation yeah or if it's not too heated yet you could say something like okay why don't you try saying that differently mhm but that's all part of the changing the filter and mirroring and digging a little deeper like that's all part of that because it's a process right yeah you don't know all of the wise words to choose at the beginning no so you're going to poke bruises and you're going to be impatient and you're going to be feeling inadequate and not good enough and you know like all of the things right because of all of that baggage and all of the insecurities and all the trust issues and drama and everything that goes into the creation of those bruises but over time you you learn each other's bruises you learn each other's habits you learn you know what buttons not to push well how to protect the other person's heart exactly one of the things that Andy you and I have had to learn to choose our words wisely about are things that we like to call the wussies okay we we've we've nicknamed the you know those those voices in your head that create those Whata ifs and the insecurities and all that we call them the workers of Satan or or wussies for short right because they they you know those contribute to so many negative thoughts which translate into negative actions mhm it feeds the insecurities it feeds the insecurities in a big way would you agree mhm yeah yeah prayer yeah praying for guidance and communication mm Philippians 4: 6 and 7 encourages Believers to not be anxious about anything but in every situation and in the Greek it's every in every situation by pray pray and petition which means to do it over and over and over again with Thanksgiving mhm don't forget that yep present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus such great verses yeah and I think that those are two of the most powerful verses in all of scripture and yet it's the two that we probably employ the least in our culture

I mean yeah because after all if we're seeking God's guidance through prayer and communication it can bring wisdom patience and a sense of peace to remarried couples yeah involving the Lord in your marriage on every level you mean to tell me that it's important to involve the Lord in how we communicate with each other yes don't you think he would bless that uh yeah yeah I don't know why we have prayer as the last bullet point underneath this subject it should have been the first one yeah well kind of wrap it up on a good on a new you know I guess so yeah well establishing a harmonious environment where everyone feels included and respected requires open communication and a willingness to compromise on certain things while incorporating new new ones that's true yeah you got to learn how to grow together in the new thing that you have created mhm communicating with love is an essential element in the success of Christian remarriage by drawing inspiration from the Bible couples can create a marriage characterized by understanding empathy and mutual respect as remarried Partners prioritize love in their communication they lay the groundwork for a Las and fulfilling Union that reflects the transformative power of God's love in their lives in other words if Christ is the foundation of our marriage then love is the oil in the gears that keeps it going strong amen and that's all we have to say about that thank you for listening to the Churchosity podcast don't forget to give us a rating and please don't forget to leave us a review on our next episode episode we'll be discussing renewed hope in your remarriage over to you Andy be sure to check out our website Churchosity.com there you can follow us on all the socials become a Churchosity patreon drop us a message and give us your feedback because we'd really love to hear from you and don't forget to spread the word about Churchosity podcast by just simply telling a friend to tell a friend what we're doing here yeah let them be a part of the conversation too but always remember that just as it says in 1 Timothy 1:5 that the goal of our instruction Is Love from a pure heart and from a good conscience and a sincere Faith so we thank each and every one of you again for listening and we hope to catch all of you on the next episode of Churchosity podcast peace peace [Music]

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