"Remarriage: Hope & Redemption" - Renewed Hope

Prayer, corporate worship, and digging into the Scriptures are three major components to cultivating a healthy and intimate Christian remarriage. But how do we get there from our place of insecurity and doubt?

Listen as we discuss some suggestions on how to be better equipped for growing our Christian relationships by the work of the Holy Spirit through forgiveness, grace, and one day at a time. We are very excited for the renewed hope this episode can bring!

Transcript

welcome to the Churchosity podcast if you're looking for a place to have fun and edifying conversations about church culture then you have landed in the right [Music]

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what's up everybody my name is Heath Brady and I'm Andrea Brady and we are your Churchosity podcast personel coming at you coming at you I'm still froggy man them allergies I know I'm sorry it's all good I'm working on it I got some medicine and still I I don't know I don't know what to say the the important part honey is that you are doing all that is within you to make a Joyful Noise to the Lord that's true and giving him the glory that's right that's all I can do right yes I have a curious question for you what have you been paying any attention to all of this hoopla around the solar eclipse that's coming no you haven't been hearing about any of this no I haven't I've had my head buried in the sand yeah right well I think it's I think it's April the 8th we're supposed to have this total solar eclipse ooh and people are freaking out about it like they always do yeah I know because sad sadly enough the people in church culture are the ones that are freaking out about it the most because of the alleged pth that this that the sun is supposed to take as it travels over the United States supposedly when the sun crosses over the United States of America not only is it allegedly going to cover a large portion of the eastern half of the states yeah but it's supposed to pass through several cities that are named

Nineveh there are actually cities named Nineveh oh yeah okay many all right especially in the Midwest and in the South so of course you know everybody's on their high horse now about the you know the signs in the Sun and the Moon and uh as it was in the days of Noah you know that that type of a conversation huh okay it it made me it made me think that we should go back to doing our weekly edition of this week's proof we living in the last days right oh my gosh that's really interesting I mean how many times do I have to say it what the biggest mistake that we can make when trying to understand biblical prophecy is to is to attempt to interpret it through the newspaper that's true so people just need to calm down instead of trying to figure out the day and the time that the Lord is going to return prioritize living for him while he hasn't returned that's true instead of all of this distrac diven cuz all you're doing is making the church look like a bunch of bubbling

idiots making me making me feel like all of my education and theology is a waste of time just saying well you know it's going to happen I know I know I mean it was happening when Jesus was here that's very true and they didn't even recognize him when he came so you know what I mean yeah makes me think that many are not going to recognize him when he comes the second time oh well I think they will won't every knee bow and every tongue confess right that whether they want to or whether they're made to you exactly harsh I know well Andy yeah other than battling your allergies and scratchy throat how are you doing elsewise I'm good doing good yeah it's been kind of an exciting couple of weeks in The Brady Bunch household yeah stuff going on behind the scenes with our with our stuff yeah and uh I look forward to the day when we can divulge a little bit more detail but we're not saying anything yet we're leaving you all hanging in suspense but just know that God is good and he is doing something really awesome yeah and when the time comes that we can share it we will look on all of you to share in the celebration with us in some capacity you know what Jesus is always doing something awesome even if it's running in the background and we can't see it yet that's so true not not to sound sarcastic but you just made me think of that old DC Talk song God is doing a new thing you know he's doing it right I'm such a jet exert me too I know well anyways we're going to continue in our conversation in this series about remarriage mm it's been good so far I think so yeah we've had a lot of positive feedback yes lots of feedback you know what a lot of the feedback is saying mhm that the advice we're giving is good for everybody yeah I I I noticed that that uh there there's been several comments that we've received that even though the context of the conversation is about folks in this demographic really the things we're talking about are good for any relationship that's right absolutely that that's one of the many things that I was excited to explore in this series is that even though we are seeking to care for folks who fall into this category because we believe that it's underserved in the church it's really information for everybody that's right it really is and that's the cool thing about scripture right biblical truth isn't just for one people group it's for all that's right and I love that well before we dive back into the conversation we want to quickly remind all of you to give us a rating and please leave us a review because your ratings and your reviews not only help popularize church ocity but also make us a heck of a lot easier for other people to find us and we especially want to encourage all of you to please go check out our website it's awesome and I know the person who works almost daily on making sure that it stays awesome I guess that's me that would be you go to church o.com and there you will find the home for all things church oity not just our episodes but so much more so please go give it a gander hang out for a while fill out our survey and enjoy

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Doom well Mrs Brady yes it's been a really fun conversation up to this point M I'm excited to dig a Little Deeper uh oh talk about probably one of the toughest areas I think in church culture when it comes to being a remarried couple okay especially if it's a blended family ah and that is wrestling with your faith H in in the culture of church context mhm so we want to talk about renewed hope we want to talk about renewing your hope improving Christian remarriage through a shared spiritual Foundation I think Andy that that before we were married I that was something that you and I were so seriously dead set on having yeah we we knew that that coming into our marriage I mean we were we were excited to be married to each other M we were massively totally crazy in love with each other and we loved all of our kids we just knew that from the work that we were doing in our premarital counseling and the conversations we were having with the book that causes fights that there were there were things that were you know kind of shaking the foundation of our faith as as individuals and as a couple and I think correct me if I'm wrong but I think that a lot of that had to do with returning to a place of worship and you know struggling with being labeled with a SC Scarlet Letter by chance oh yeah or or looked at as damag Goods or you know all of the things that we've talked about thus far that contribute to remarried couples going into hiding right I mean I know a lot of Christian churches Evangelical or non-denominational or a lot of Christian churches out there um look down on remarried families I mean whether they don't verbally say well some do some might verbally say something but um it's hard yeah you know it yeah it is really hard cuz I think I think that depending on the church and the dynamic and the culture and their Doctrine mhm per se right that has a lot of effect on whether or not it's not only comfortable for the remarried couple to return to worshiping on a regular basis at a church but also safe to stay MH I read a Facebook post that a rather popular Pastor SLP podcaster shared recently it was about an article and I won't say where the church is I won't name the church either but this particular church was looking to hire a new senior pastor yeah and in the requirements section at the very bottom was what degree was required the entire rest of the prerequisites that this church was looking for were things like must have only been married once yeah must be complementarian you know that kind of a thing uh-huh and it made me feel really sad never mind if you have a heart for Jesus but right and and that's the other thing is that there there's all there's all of those preferential Hoops that they list that the ideal candidate must jump through to even be considered right and then at the bottom of that list was the proper theological degree but nowhere in those prerequisites did it mention a Heart for Jesus a heart for others you know desire to be a Shepherd you know any any of those other qualifications right M and it's stuff like that that you know and and and I understand when when you look at those qualifications for an elder the the libraries are full of conversations on this side of the aisle that side of the aisle and everything in between but you have to remember that the kingdom of God that we belong to is not subject to man's preferences it's an upside down kingdom and I would argue that when Christ came the religious system that was in place when he was first here he completely flipped upside down with controversy and things that didn't make sense to the religious leaders of the time mhm so I feel bad for folks that are in this category remarried couples and and Blended families that struggle with finding a place not only to worship but also to be allowed to serve that's true yeah and even though they've got this passionate Heart for Jesus and so all of those things and probably so many more things contribute to this wrestling match that we do with our faith and I think that it might even contribute to disc encouraging folks from not going to church somewhere mhm yeah you know and I'm not even I'm not even suggesting staying home and watching the service online just not worshiping at all right I mean home church has its place you know like when you're sick or whatever but especially remarried couples they need the body of Christ they need the family of God they need corporate worship and Community yes yeah just like everybody else so this episode we're talking about ways to renew that hope and and how to improve your Christian marriage through a shared spiritual Foundation Building a successful Christian marriage involves cultivating a shared spiritual Foundation there's a verse in the Book of Amos chapter 3 it's verse three it asks a very interesting question can two walk together unless they are agreed H couples should actively engage in spiritual practices such as prayer attending church together and studying the Bible as a means of deepening their connection with God and each other and that's kind of a short list of how to actively engage in spiritual practices there's there's more things besides those but prayer and going to church and studying the scriptures I know that those are things that you and I certainly focused on and and still continue to focus on I think this is one of those examples where we can be a testimony to this aspect of renewing hope in the faith aspect of your marriage is true yeah and there's a lot of layers to that right yeah you know one of these days we're going to have to do a pre-marriage class or or pre-marriage Series yeah but yeah I mean hopefully when you're remarried you're married to somebody who has a shared Faith to begin with yes so being on the same page about your faith is really important yeah I mean I know that not everybody is fortunate in that area and that's a whole different conversation really is cuz we're talking about Christian remarriage yeah so the couple together we're assuming is um they're both Christian MH and uh so this is you know we're not talking about someone who's married to a non-believer mhm or um you know some other scenario sure yeah yeah I know that we've we've talked a lot about baggage and trust issues and bruises and things like that and I think that these three areas prayer attending church together and studying the Bible are three areas that can have baggage and trust issues and bruises because what if what if you were in a previous marriage and the other spouse never wanted to go to church or or rarely wanted to dive into the scriptures either with you or on their own true and rarely or never prayed with you yeah so those create extra layers of insecurities that you when you enter a new Christian marriage you know that those are things that need to be prioritized as a couple but that's also a conversation right right and so this so this is uh this is another place where you can utilize some of those tools that that we've already spoken like mirroring doing it afraid like it's it's totally fine and acceptable and encouraged uh if you know if if your your new partner wants to come to you and say hey can we pray about this thing and you're like to say I I need to share my heart with you about something I have this bruise or I have this insecurity or whatever and and talk through that right because it gets you on the same page and it also provides more means or ways to pray for each other true true because you know what is in you know what your partner's heart is struggling with or wrestling with in that moment can I just say something of course if your partner your spouse is a Christian a Bible believing born again I love Jesus Christian you can pray to God and ask him to help you connect with them on that level amen because then the Holy Spirit can do some work mhm you doesn't have to be all up to you it can be a fun experience if you can believe that it doesn't have to be super serious and deep and heavy like oh I have this burden that's on my heart start talking with about something fun like do you have a favorite Bible story oh yeah I mean you could just talk about fun stuff it doesn't have to be deep and heavy right um You can start by saying hey honey can you pray for me about this that or the other say you know I got some special needs this week would you mind praying for me and they don't even have to pray with you they can pray be know that in their back of their mind oh my wife or my husband you know needs me to pray for them about this and they're thinking about you on a spiritual level throughout the week so you can start small it doesn't have to be you know deep heavy hard talks it can just be you know here's a person they're my brother sister in Christ yes they're also my spouse and I am so fortunate and blessed to have them and know that God wants you to flourish in your spiritual relationship with one another so you can start small it doesn't have to be you know we're going to commit to praying three times a day together and reading the Bible you know every week and I mean that can be burdensome I mean overwhelming too it grows slowly yeah Jesus said that his yoke is easy and his burden is light so don't make it uneasy or heavy yeah yeah that's a good point how often does your I mean and if you go out all guns a blazing um and buy like three devotion couples devotional books oh man and have that sitting on the coffee table ready for your spouse when they walk through the door that evening how honey look what I bought today like what are you trying to tell me you're not happy with me what's wrong with me yeah that sends so many interesting messages that and again that's not even what you're saying but that's what they're hearing yeah it can totally backfire so you know look at that person as you know someone you want to share with yeah and um start slow it doesn't have to be um you know diving into the deep end of the pool immediately yeah facts yeah I I love what you said there so much Andy it reminds me that that when we when we are with our brother or sister in Christ it it helps nurture and cultivate the relationship when we see Christ in them yeah and you know a lot of what we're talking about Andy we can apply this to if you're not married yet mhm these are great conversations to have during your dating and courting phase yeah absolutely it can also be part of your uh analyzing phase you know you're like do I do I really want to dip my toes in the water of remarriage with this person if you know where where you know where we at on the spiritual level kind of a thing right exactly well we know that Christian remarriage is a journey that can be deeply enriched by a shared spiritual foundation so in this episode we are going to explore how couples can strengthen and improve their situations through a focus on their shared Faith drawing inspiration from the Bible and considering the positive impact of a strong spiritual bond on remarried relationships so let's start to pick those things apart a little bit all right let's talk about prayer mm being the pillar of strength prayer is a powerful tool for couples navigating the challenges of remarriage boy [Laughter] challenges just just reading that word makes me think we should stop and pray yeah but we're we we're reminded in the book of Philippians chapter 4 we're encouraged as as Believers to not be anxious about anything but in every situation notice that said every situation by prayer and petition with Thanksgiving present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus it's safe to say Andy that shared prayer cultivates intimacy and invites God's guidance into the marriage and that provides a source of strength during difficult times yeah think about all of the times when in in in your previous situation where a a healthy whatever that might look like what a healthy prayer life with your spouse uh looked like it wasn't healthy yeah and and how those areas that were challenging in your first marriage could have been handled biblically better or even at all with the power of prayer as the backbone yeah as as the Pillar of Strength mhm in in the relationship you know you you may not be able to say the right things to each other all of the time you may not be able to do the right things to each other or with or for each other all of the time but you can always pray for each other right and and I love that that we've put that as the first pillar of renewed hope I think also I mean not all couples start off being comfortable praying together that's right except maybe over your meal

yeah so you know but like I said earlier praying for them or sharing what your prayer requests are with them is a good start mhm um it can develop into something that you guys do together y um you know sometimes we take baby steps so definitely any kind of prayer is so important um and I think that praying for your spouse being one thing that that verse in Philippians says um that a lot of people forget is with [Music] Thanksgiving so you know if you're anxious about something it says but in every situation you know by prayer and petition with Thanksgiving don't forget that part be thankful to the Lord thank him for your spouse thank him for challenges that help you grow yes um it's not always going to be easy obviously so just pray and thank him um and especially since you're both Christians let the Holy Spirit do his job and he will yeah amen that'll preach how about biblical wisdom for

decisionmaking Proverbs 3: 5 and 6 gives us some great advice trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways and I looked in the Hebrew it means all all means all in all your ways submit to him uhhuh and he will make your paths straight oh it's so true yeah I think that couples can improve their situation by seeking and applying biblical wisdom to decision making mhm which means that you got to be in the word right and it helps with trusting in God's guidance so that Unity can be fostered MH and it helps with couples navigating the challenges with more confidence and a shared sense of purpos MH you get on the same page biblically it helps you get on the same page practically yeah I mean a Bible study together would be nice I mean you and I talk about the Bible all the time that's not everybody I know um but we don't have Bible studies no all the time no that's true most of the time it's you know something that we experienced in our own personal quiet time or something that the Lord laid on our heart or you know something we were thinking about and but but as part of our coffee time and and or our unwind time at least once a day you are you and I are talking about something from a Biblical perspective that's true and chewing on scriptures together mhm MH you know I mean we can't be washed with the water of the word unless we get in the

bathtub I'm just saying that's true you can only put so much water in a bucket yeah yeah you know what I mean mhm I think that um reading the Bible together would be wonderful and but I know that not every couple is going to start out you know chomping at the bit to do that right mhm so just make sure that you are you yourself are diving into scripture and that you yourself are uh reading it um it'll help in so many ways in that it helps you discern it helps you become wise it helps you to submit to the Lord yes it encourages you to keep trusting in God and in his ways um those things that that do Foster Unity as a couple you you know maybe finding a good podcast that you can listen to together like the Churchosity podcast would help might get the ball rolling you know how about some Shameless promotion there yeah I mean I know a good podcast too yeah I also want to point out that I am aware that sometimes in a remarriage dynamic a Christian remarriage Dynamic there is the possibility that one of the spouses is a little more passionate or can be a little more passionate about doing these kinds of things as a couple while the other spouse is a little more reluctant mhm and that's a conversation the idea is Unity the idea is teamwork the idea is community and So you you're you're you're hearing us say a lot in this series about mirroring and doing it afraid yeah and bruises and baggage and issues and insecurities because all of those things contribute also to this area of your faith as a couple and and certainly we wouldn't want to put our spouse in a position where they they feel even more insecure because we're coming across or being perceived as overly spiritual or farther down the road in our walk with Jesus kind of a thing yeah it you know it it can feel intimidating yeah and I you know that's one of those take heed moments if I can elaborate mhm just in my own experience if you ever feel like you're further along the road than your partner take heed and I think that that's something that you need to go to the Lord about yes and be like you know I'm feeling this way um and it's it's actually probably

wrong I'm just saying you mean I'm not supposed to go to that spouse and say catch up no get on my level no oh cuz that is not humble at all is it no it is not and uh yeah could she just IM it's definitely a Tak heed moment yeah yeah cuz that's a really that's a really good point you bring up Andy cuz if you go to the Lord and you're real genuine and honest with the Lord about this there's a really high probability that he's going to show you that you don't have it all together and not only that but probably even more importantly he will show you what it is that he wants you to learn that's true in that particular situation yeah are you have you ever been in a church service and the preachers up there preaching and you're like oh oh they're making real good points I hope that so and so is listening because they really need to hear this oh man yeah that's a take heed moment yeah not not just in this context either but in General yes that is a good point that is a really good point yeah it's not a very gentle and contrite heart is it no yeah but it is it is important um to to to strike that Harmony as a couple with the foundation of seeking wisdom through the scriptures that's right how about fostering an atmosphere of forgiveness and Grace mhm a shared spiritual foundation in encourages couples to embrace forgiveness and Grace um this is really important because I feel like and I and I could be off and if I'm off then write in and tell me that I'm off but I do feel like a majority of remarried couples in church cultures when they hear words like forgiveness and Grace they immediately hear that through the filter of I need forgiveness and Grace from others which is true but we have this High tendency to forget that we need to give forgiveness and Grace to

ourselves and to each other as spouses MH because the reality is and and and I'm going to say this as delicately as I possibly can when two people get married the expectation is till de do his part yeah and when a divorce happens there is a severing of that promise it's it's a it's a let down if you will uhhuh and and knowing that even before you enter or re-enter a church context again is ever presentent you're already carrying that burden in and of itself on your shoulders and so is your new spouse and you have to remember now just listen to me you have to remember that all of that is in the past it's needs to stay in the past so that you can focus on this new thing that God has blessed you with right and the road to experiencing that blessing of this Christian remarriage runs through forgiveness and Grace for yourself MH and for your spouse it's really important to me that our listeners hear us say that I agree because I think that if we can get to the point where we show our own selves forgiveness and Grace it enables us to forgive our spouse and to not concern ourselves so much with others showing us forgiveness and Grace does that make sense yeah so Colossians 3:13 comes to mind bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone forgive as the Lord forgave you mhm so um we talk about having Grace and forgiveness for yourself well if the Lord has forgiven you already right assuming that you've reconciled with the Lord over your broken promises mhm and God forgives you cleanses you gives you a New Hope in a new future I have to say because we're human and the enemy always wants to keep trying to render us ineffective whenever you have those moments where you're like I'm not good enough I um broke my promises um you struggle with forgiving yourself and having Grace for yourself you need to stop dead in your tracks and realize that that's a moment when you're being I don't know spiritually attacked sure cuz the Lord has already forgiven you mhm and you need to cling to those promises in scripture amen right yes and who are you to hold on to something that God has died on the cross cross for he shed his blood for you why are you holding on to this he has a New Hope and a new future for you you're to live into that to serve him and you're being held back be set free Christ wants you to live free and serve him with the rest of your life with all you've got from now on do that my wife preaching over there do it that is good stuff the reality is that by grounding their actions in the principles of forgiveness couples can create an atmosphere of love understanding and redemption in their remarriage Redemption yeah and that's what you just hammered away at that whole Redemption you know that that this is the new thing this is this is the thing that the Lord has given you and blessed you with and the old has passed away and that's so true I think that you know we we hold on to that I know we do we we hold on to the past and that that contributes to that baggage and those bruises and all those things and you're so right Andy that's why it's so important to know scripture to dive into scripture to remember the promises in scripture because those are those the foundation I mean when when Jesus was attacked in the desert how did he combat the schemes of the devil he recalled scripture exactly that's what we have to do yeah if G if Jesus did it and he was perfect like if Jesus needed to recall scripture mhm how much more does that speak to us exactly yeah yeah how about applying love in our actions always always love is a central theme in Christian teachings we talk about it all the time on our podcast yep especially from 1 Corinthians chapter 13 the infamous love chapter love is patient kind Etc yeah it CU it beautifully describes its attributes mhm couples can improve their situation by actively applying love in their actions and interactions especially keeping no record of wrong you went there love keeps no record of wrongs [Music]

yeah well demonstrating patience kindness and selflessness which are from 1 Corinthians 13 yeah it contributes to a harmonious marriage I I would have to agree with that yeah because the opposite of those really doesn't harmonize a couple no when you're impatient or unkind or selfish yeah love becomes a transformative force that binds couples together and overcomes challenges you know this this also can be applied to the kids if there's kids involved absolutely you you have to demonstrate Christlike love to one another in front of the kids mhm because the kids are also dealing with the broken marriage in their own way it's true and there is is a level of instability and insecurity in their hearts I dare say that apart from the spiritual Foundation you know that prayer life as being a pillar a very very very close second is those kids need to know that Mom and Dad the the new Christian remarriage are totally in love with each other yeah and they need to see that that demonstrated it's key it's crucial lastly how about regular spiritual practices as a couple M here's where it gets a little dicey sometimes I think dicey yeah engaging in regular spiritual practices as a couple solidifies their shared Foundation this can include attending church together participating in Bible studies or praying as a couple see there's those foundational things and now we come full circle to doing them regularly see like you said honey it's a process yeah you're not shot out of a cannon at the very beginning you get there right right uh Things become habitual the more that you do them and they become a regular part of your life we didn't you know at the beginning we weren't doing these things every single day no I mean if you're uh involved in a church sometimes they have small groups and that could be fun you know it's kind of more light-hearted sometimes and you can meet together with other couples that are similar or live close to you and uh then you can participate in Bible study with them you know or talk about things of a spiritual nature with them and it kind of breaks the ice sometimes yeah um it's a it's a support system that's extremely important it is yeah and you know also we can think about other things like traditions like things that you guys can do together as a family that are Traditions that you would like to to do that are spiritual you know like religious so like you know maybe you you participate in Advent or you do lint Services together you know some people have like little candles or things like that that they put out at Christmas time and they light their candles um like an Advent wreath you know sing Christmas carols together you know it just depends every family is different but now that you have a new family you can create new traditions and incorporate the children in those New Traditions MH and the New Traditions you know you could maybe every Christmas Eve or around the Christmas time read the Christmas account from the Bible together mhm or something like that I mean or you could um you know watch a Christmasy movie together that's you know based on Jesus yeah not from the home Mar channel right you know Rudolph is has its place but yes he does we're talking about Rudolph the Red-nosed reinder is a spiritual experience come on now right it's a story about Misfits who get Redemption yeah right it's true well Ecclesiastes 4: 12 emphasizes the strength of unity it says though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves a cord of three strands is not quickly broken in other words incorporating spiritual practices as a couple strengthens their bond and reinforces their commitment to God and each other oh so like God is one of the cords in our in our strand yes or one of the strands in our cord MH yeah it's interesting that that verse went from doing life alone to doing life as a couple to doing Life as a couple including the third strand which is God mhm mhm it's kind of interesting huh yeah yeah because God not only brought you this beautiful new opportunity to have a successful remarried Christian Life he wants to be a major the major part of it as well right well this has been a really great conversation about renewing hope we hope that we have helped to contribute to renewing hope in your marriages as well just remember that improving the situation in Christian remarriage is profoundly influenced by the shared spiritual foundation of the couple through prayer biblical wisdom forgiveness Love In Action and regular spiritual practices couples can draw on their faith to navigate challenges and build a resilient god- Center entered marriage as they anchor themselves in their shared spiritual journey Christian remarriage becomes an opportunity for growth Redemption and enduring love and the coolest thing about all of that is that when the couple is doing all of that in front of and including the children yeah it is the spillover effect yeah of a renewed hope not just in the couple but in the new family that's been created and that's all we have to say about that thank you for listening to the Churchosity podcast don't forget to give us a rating and please don't forget to leave us a review on our next episode we are going to talk about prioritizing the family unit over to you Andy be sure to check out our website Churchosity.com there you can follow us on all the socials become a Churchosity patreon listen to our episodes and be sure to drop us a message and give us your feedback because we'd really love to hear from you and don't forget to spread the word about Churchosity podcast by just simply telling a friend to tell a friend what we're doing here yeah let them be a part of the conversation too but always remember that the goal of our instruction Is Love from a pure heart and from a good conscience and a sincere Faith so we thank all of you again for listening and we look forward to catching all of you on the next episode of Churchosity podcast [Music]

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