"Remarriage: Hope & Redemption" - Forgiveness & Grace

Christian remarriage is a journey filled with hope and redemption, as couples embark on a new chapter in their lives guided by faith. Establishing a strong foundation is crucial for a successful remarriage, and incorporating biblical principles can provide invaluable guidance.

In this episode, we're talking about forgiveness and grace: two crucial components of a long-lasting relationship. Listen as we look at Scripture, share examples of what they do and don't look like, and articulate how beautiful remarriage can be when grounded in Christ.

Transcript

Welcome to the Churchosity Podcast! If you're looking for a place to have fun and edifying conversations about church culture then you have landed in the right spot! 


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what's up everybody my name is Heath Brady and I'm Andrea Brady and we are your Churchosity podcast personnel! Coming at you! coming at you once again. Andi yeah I am so sick of this weather it's pretty gross out freaking snow I know I know 30 something degree weather man like it's dark I thought that Punxsutawney Phil told us that winter was going to come to a close I'm ready spring come to me I'm freezing I know it's pretty cold just looking out the window I'm like oh man it feels like it's 20 below just looking outside well anyway well here it seems like all four seasons of weather you can see those in one day yeah yeah woke up today Blue Sky beautiful birds were chirping next thing I know it's gray snow coming down and it's dark yeah it's dark I mean it feels like it's like 5:00 at night and we're recording this at 12:31 p.m. it's so weird Lord have mercy I know you know what's insane is that in just a few weeks we're going to have daylight savings which means we're going to lose an hour of sleep oh that's right spring forward yeah I ain't no spring chicken anymore that's for sure well anyways let's talk about Oscar for a moment shall we our doggy our little puppy mhm he's not so little no more well he's 27 lbs and he's 7 months old I know and he got a clean bill of health from the veterinarians yes he's so adorable which he actually loved being there mhm they they took really good care of him and and we learned a really really important secret ladies and gentlemen for how to get your doggy to sit still and enjoy their experience I know what is it cheese whiz cheese [Music] whiz it is the secret to everything right yeah he's very motivated by food oh yeah he is especially cheese whz yeah he was upset that it was all gone yeah I I thought for a second they were going to send us home with the bottle oh I know I know we're going to have to like go to Costco and buy a case of it no it has to be special just for the vet that's true because yeah if we if we give it to him all the time at home then it's just kind of yeah yeah that's a good point yeah well Andy how you doing today I'm doing okay just a little groggy groggy yeah the weather really is discouraging oh man yeah makes me wish that I was in Disneyland I think I need to take some vitamins or something we need one of those Sun lamps yeah you can just turn on and sit under and get some vitamins into your skin yeah something like that that was such a '90s thing right early 2000s I don't think it worked I don't I have no idea if it works or not but I need something I need some sunshine maybe we just need some chocolate yeah ooh that sounds like a plan sure write that [Laughter] down well anyway we are excited to continue our conversation about remarriage we're going to be diving in a little bit deeper in that conversation but before we get into it we want to remind all of you to please give us a rating and leave us a review because your ratings and your reviews not not only help popularize church ocity but believe it or not they make us a heck of a lot easier for other people to find us and Andy yes I know that you especially want to encourage everyone to do something check out our website please we also have a survey on there that would be really helpful if people took the time to fill it out um it would help us serve you better exactly and keep in mind that church o.com it isn't just the home of our episodes but all things Church oity we've got blogs on there you can listen to our episodes and fill out that survey mhm and much much more check us out Church

o.com all right Mrs Brady Yes dear you ready to keep trucking away in this conversation yes did you enjoy our last episode I did as we introduced this conversation mhm well we want to remind everyone why we're doing this series in case anyone was wondering mhm we believe you and I that is Andy yep that this demographic of divorced and remarried couples and Blended families is a demographic that is very underserved in in the local church and so we want to talk about what serving this demographic would look like we want to talk about why maybe churches frown upon or struggle serving this demographic in our churches our goal really is I think to be the voice of reason and a Beacon of Hope to those in our churches that fall into this category because we want to be what we wish we would have had available to us when we were going through the beginnings of our remarriage and forward right we want to give people tools mhm things that they can use in their marriage to help improve it mhm to help them navigate the murky Waters and actually you know the tools that we're going to present are good for anyone who's married or in a relationship it's very true yeah yeah I wish that like 99% of the tools that we have now M I would have had like when I was first a pastor and doing pre-marriage counseling ooh because you are right Andy these principles don't just apply to remars right and how did we come across these tools well we'll talk more about this when we get to the fifth of the five key points but we sought professional help exactly that's why I wanted to bring it up yeah because even though it's the fifth key in our series the ones that we're going to be talking about um I think it's super important and as soon as you can you should find a good healthy counselor who can help you heal CU really that's what we're talking about healing and moving forward that's totally correct honey we our our our focus our goal is for healing and strengthening of Christian faith in each other's walks with the Lord and as a couple because we really believe that if Christ is the foundation a second or subsequent marriage can be it for the rest of your life mhm and it can be joyful mhm but it takes work it takes several different components and I don't say all of that to be discouraging or weighty I just say it to be real yeah cuz it's not easy it's a lot of work it is a lot of work what does that work look like well for starters when you and I were dating I went and had coffee with our old youth pastor yeah and he knew that you and I had I mean we went to the same youth group together as kids and even when we were kids he knew that we were nuts about each other so it was no surprise really to him that you and I had reconnected and we were dating but he said something really interesting to me mhm he said you know Heath I know that you and Andrea are going to get remarried and that's a good thing but when you get remarried it's going to be like a plane crashing into the ocean to which I was like well gee thanks for the vote of confidence bro yeah that sounds so positive but then he said well no let me let me let me explain he said what happens when a plane crashes to the ocean the luggage floats yeah all the baggage floats to the top yeah so then I was like oh and he said so the plane crash is inevitable it's going to happen the work that needs to be done is get as much baggage off the plane as you possibly can before it hits the water yeah so beneath the surface of everything that we discuss in this series we want our listeners to keep that principle in mind M that the work that you do before you're married and even if you're already remarried you can start this work now because if you if we're honest with ourselves which we need to be our previous life which is what we like to call it seeps into the new context and one of our goals should always be that our new relationship Bears little or no resemblance to our previous relationship and all of those things that would be considered baggage if you will right so on this episode we're going to talk start talking about the first of our five key points and that is forgiveness and Grace because Central to Christian teachings is the concept of forgiveness and Grace that's right remarriage often follows a period of pain and Brokenness and embracing forgiveness is essential for healing mhm Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you so by extending Grace to one another couples can cultivate an environment of love and understanding especially if both of you are remarried having left a previous relationship as you know a divorced person mhm there's definitely Brokenness yes and extending each other and yourself some Grace and realizing you know I don't have I don't have it all together MH but I want to I want to get this right yeah forgiving yourself for your past mistakes because nobody's perfect and it takes two to make a marriage work mhm nobody's innocent in divorce correct I mean there's always people like to blame one or the other but if you look harshly or critically if you look critically at the situation um both parties are guilty most of the time so owning your mistakes I think is a really important part of moving forward and healing sure and owning your mistakes can be forgiving yourself right I was going to say that just like the gospel doesn't stop at the crucifixion it continues to the resurrection mhm owning the part that we played in the separation doesn't end at accepting responsibility for those choices the story continues into the desire to do something new and that requires giving yourself a lot of Grace because just like everybody else that follows Jesus we don't got it all figured out I mean the Apostle Paul said not that I've obtained it yet but I press on so part of that pressing on is the desire to be with a new life partner and that's exciting and it's rewarding but you got to remember that you're figuring this out you're a human learning how to be a human you got to afford yourself some Grace and you got to forgive yourself so that's a great Point Andy mhm you also have to give your partner some Grace yeah because we like to talk about these things called bruises and in our vernacular a bruise is a previous wound from perhaps your previous life it could also be something that you had in childhood like some kind of unhealed childhood trauma your partner could be poking these bruises and not even know it right I think a lot of the time when we get upset or frustrated with one another at least at the be in the beginning of our relationship it was because we're pressing each other's bruises and bruises can take a long time to heal mhm again this is why we always suggest having some kind of a counselor to talk to so you can express to them your concerns um and they can give you really good tools to help manage those bruises MH and remind once you're aware of the bruise that's the first step cuz sometimes we don't even know what those triggers are sure what would be an example certain things that are said yeah that the other person used to say mhm mhm certain places that you go songs you hear on the radio uhhuh just as a few examples right and and the neat thing is is that when you have that open conversation about those things being bruises it doesn't mean that you have to stop doing them it just means that it creates an awareness that when those things occur that it's kind of like a flashback to a painful period that you haven't healed from yet yeah and it's okay it's not wrong it's just something that needs to be worked on it also kind of forces you to be vulnerable MH with the other person because I mean you could stuff it that's another expression that we like to have that we used to we we call stuffing it when we stuff our feelings everything's great yeah it doesn't always work out very well because stuffing it it'll come out in another way it's kind of like developing the Mount Vesuvius mentality where you keep stuffing it and stuffing it and stuffing it and then at the point where a bruise gets poked one too many times then it just explodes right and then it's a big old mess and the person that gets exploded all over is sitting there going like I had no idea that all of this was the matter yeah so conversation is very important vulnerability and honesty are very important it feels like it came out of nowhere yeah that too but really it it had been building you need didn't even know it yeah but choosing to be vulnerable with your partner and we have a phrase called doing it afraid doing it afraid you have this issue you have to to choose to be vulnerable and you make that choice to tell them afraid even though it's the hardest thing to do especially if you have not been in a relationship before where you could be honest with the other person it takes a lot of work and there's there's been times where you or I Andy have led a conversation off with stating that that I'm I'm going to do this afraid mhm and and when and when do that you let your partner know that this is a sensitive delicate area that you are about to go into and you're terrified to bring it up because you don't know how they're going to react or you anticipate that they're going to react poorly right and and again the purpose of having that preemptive conversation that's just simple as I I need to tell you something and I'm doing this afraid that is an act of reconciliation and being on the same page and being Partners M that way that way it doesn't come out later you know I know this I knew I shouldn't have brought this up you know that kind of a thing or you're just like so and so

yep yep you know this idea of giving your partner Grace another side to that same coin Andy is that you're not healing from the same things or at the same Pace or rate and so our our perspective own healing happens how it happens it's true and so whatever each of us are healing from is different than the other person and so you know maybe you're healing from your bruises but your partner's not healing as fast as you'd like them to

heal that's not giving them Grace if you become impatient or indifferent right to that or God forbid you intentionally poke the bruise to try and insist that they heal faster now that would be really awful yes and that's part of laying a foundation that's a strong foundation in your new marriage you have to have some uh ground roles mhm and I think think I don't know we haven't really discussed this much but one of those things is to believe the best in the other person and that they're not out to hurt you yeah believe that they have good will towards you yes and sometimes we have to reiterate that and say it out loud I don't have ill will toward you I didn't mean to do this to hurt you right when a conflict arises yeah because it's so quick to just like easily slip back into that way of receiving information from the other person you know like see and that's where you go down that road of you're just like so and so mhm you're poking the bruises yeah and being reminded of the Good Will yes is so important yeah just like we have a Biblical foundation and the truths of scripture we have to have truths of our relationship that we can fall back on that we reiterate over and over again that's why we memorize scripture right exactly so we know those verses when conflict or you know troubl times happen we can fall on fall back on our knowledge of scripture to sustain us and in the same way in our relationship we have to have truths about our relationship that we believe in wholeheartedly we can fall back on those things when the time comes you know things like I know you'll never leave me we call that closing the back door yes that means that you don't have you know a honey on the on the back burner that you're being faithful and true you know what I mean that went dark real quick I was just thinking that that means that there that there's no way of Escape you're not thinking about leaving right but also me but it's also everything in between we've taken a lot of steps in our relationship to reassure one another that that you have my whole heart and you don't have anything to worry about correct because that's not always something I've felt you know my whole life in the past same with you so depending on your situations you know sometimes you have to take drastic measures to prove to the other person yeah I'm in this for life right even if you got to slap them silly yep just kidding well it's very true Andy that Christian remarriage is a journey that often arises from a past marked by Brokenness and pain MH but the foundation of a successful remarriage lies in the principles of forgiveness and Grace so we want to kind of dive into some of these virtues in the context of a Christian remarriage MH and draw some guidance from Biblical teachings so so that sounds like a good plan yeah so first of all let's talk about the biblical Foundation of forgiveness okay the Bible places a profound emphasis on forgiveness as a Cornerstone of Christian Life Colossians 3:13 says to bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone forgive as the Lord forgave you mhm so in the context of remarriage understanding and practicing that's the key practicing forgiveness can pave the way for healing and restoration mhm yep so you know if you have a grievance against someone you have to do it afraid you got to do it you can't stuff it don't don't turn into vvus exactly and bury the relationship down the road I think all of our tools have biblical Foundation behind them well I definitely don't have any worldly wisdom about this no I don't either that's how we ended up in the predicament we were in in the first place that's true next let's talk about extending Grace in the face of imperfection mhm remarriage involves individuals who have experienced the pain of broken relationships mhm Romans 3:23 reminds us that all have sin and fall short of the glory of God so recognizing our own imperfections and extending Grace to our partner is essential for fostering an environment of love and acceptance Grace allows couples to move Beyond past mistakes and build a future grounded in love yep I I just think that all of those things are so crucial yeah I mean especially like you were mentioning how sometimes if your partner isn't doesn't seem to be healing and moving along as fast as you'd like you have to remember that it's only by the grace of God that you are where you are so true um so you have to check yourself and you know pray for them extending Grace in the face of imperfection MH yeah I I mean you're not perfect what well you're perfect for me I didn't mean it like that I mean I know what you like nobody's perfect that's right well and you make a good point because Christ extends Grace To Us in the face of our imperfection exactly and so just as it says to forgive just as Christ has forgiven you MH you know part of that forgiveness is the extension of Grace exactly yeah then there's the healing power of forgiveness now this is interesting statistics show that couples who actively engage in forgiveness experience higher levels of marital satisfaction and overall all wellbeing now that's like a big duh but the reality is you know I talked about that airplane analogy right if if the baggage from the previous life floats to the top like all of it it increases the likelihood of not being engaged actively with your partner in forgiveness because you're dealing with guilt and you're dealing with drama and you're dealing with bruises and there's no conversation likely happening because there's no doing it afraid there's no recognizing that your partner is dealing with the same types of things that you're dealing with and you become selfish almost right you know protect yourself and you know out the window goes even the mere concept of not having ill will towards you exactly so I mean when I first read this I thought of something like the silent treatment you know when people give each other the silent treatment I understand that sometimes you have to take a break and cool off if you're having a conflict sure but the silent treatment I think does not coincide with one of the foundations of our relationship that we built which would be doing it afraid doing it afraid and not having ill will yeah yeah not stuffing it mhm yeah yeah I think that sometimes the power struggle you know that maybe in previous relationships people might feel like they have a sense of power over their situation if they give the other person the silent treatment but you know relinquishing power is actually freeing yeah you know and we're talking about the healing power of forgiveness realize ing that we need to be more like Christ yeah well Ephesians 4: 31- 32 encourages us to get rid of all bitterness rage and anger brawling and slander along with every form of malice be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you and I really think that that is a huge secet secret to as I said marital satisfaction MH because when you and your spouse are on the same page and you get to the place where you just know that you don't have bad will towards one another ever mhm that makes it increasingly easier and easier to have those confession and forgiveness conversations with your spouse yeah because you know I'm not out to get you they're not out to get me and you know the bruises got poked I need to tell you that they got poked and you know and you and you can move on and and just enjoy this high level of satisfaction in your marriage and stuffing it and the silent treatment you know things along those lines that's not teamwork no that's not home team as we like to call it that's protecting yourself yeah and and what's ironic is that you think that you're protecting yourself which you are but you're actually damaging your spouse yeah CU you're not being real genuine and honest yeah it's building mistrust yeah well and then if you stuff it for a long period of time and then eventually vvus all over your spouse do you think that that encourages trust to be able to come to you when they when they've got something right you know what I mean mhm so you have to kind of develop this consistency which is the next Point having a continuous Act of love right forgiveness is not just a one-off it's not just a one-time event but a continuous Act of Love remember Jesus taught in Matthew chapter 18 Peter came to Jesus and asked Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me up to seven times and Jesus answered I tell you not seven times but 70 time 7even times mhm embracing a spirit of continuous forgiveness enables couples to navigate challenges with humility and resilience right that constant continuous Act of love in the form of forgiveness H you know we're not able to do this by ourselves absolutely not it it it brought to mind a verse keep on keeping on getting filled with the spirit oh from Ephesians continuously being being filled with the spirit the present active indicative yes yes cuz we need to be in the word we I guess it's super important to read God's word to be filled with the spirit to pray because you can't do this by yourself it's impossible right well and we know that it's impossible because the statistics and numbers don't lie yeah especially in Christian remarriages you know it needs to be grounded and rooted in Jesus and his word you know Ephesians tells us to be filled with the spirit continuously Colossians tells us to let the words of Christ richly dwell within us and those two go hand in hand they're essentially the same

thing well then there's the the journey together where we're embracing a future you're grounded in Grace and that's an interesting concept I've never really thought about it in those terms before Andy yeah but it's very true the grace that we show one another and ourselves is really how we embrace the future together mhm as couples navigate the complexities of remarriage Ephesians 2:8-9 reminds us that it's by Grace you have been saved through faith and this is not from yourselves it is the gift of God not by works so that no one can boast now the works that we tried before in our previous life yeah got us to where we are now how'd that work out for you right exactly see embracing God's grace in our lives allows remarried couples to look forward with hope and confidence knowing that their Union is sustained by Divine love and forgiveness and this is especially crucial to remember mhm when dealing with those bruises oh yeah when dealing with the guilt when dealing with the drama and I'm going to go one or two steps further because what's often common in our church cultures is that a couple who's been remarried that is underserved in their local church yeah they feel blacklisted oh and they feel alone yeah and and they go into hiding mhm and a lot of that is because of this Grace Factor see this this future grounded in Grace it isn't just limited to the new couple but it's extended to the surrounding local church body to extend Grace and forgiveness to the couple as well you know it it it takes a group effort home team isn't just the the new family that's been created it's the surrounding love and and Grace and forgiveness of the local church body as well mhm and that that is an important support system that I just don't think the church recognizes is is of the greatest of Necessities I mean we look at the we look at those numbers and data on the success or lack of success of remarriages and I think that a huge contributing factor to that is not being a support system to couples that are in this demographic mhm because you got to understand you know that not every single person walks down the aisle for the first and last time like everybody would like to believe and so if you are if you are a couple that is that has been remarried the people around you in the church need to recognize that you are walking around with bruises you're walking around with guilt that you're working through with your partner you're you're being reminded of drama from your previous life yeah and in that previous life there are haters especially if there's kids involved there are there are PE and we'll refer to this group of people in a later episode but there's this group of people we call the others which is the other family that is no longer unified with you if you will and so when a remarried couple is carrying around all of that weight that's burdensome they they want to hide because they feel blacklisted they feel alone they feel like I mentioned before like they've got a Scarlet Letter painted on them well I think a part of the problem is they need support of people who are like them also I mean if everyone wasn't hiding they would know who they were yeah well and that's part of the reason why you and I have such a huge heart for this demographic because not only do we belong to this demographic but we would love to have you know a group of support system of people just like us yeah it would be nice it'd be super awesome you know well I think I I think one of the dangers the same way that I think a lot of newly married for the first time young couples are they think they got it all together and it's hard for them to ask for help I think a lot of the that's just human nature MH I think that also in the same way remarried couples they have all this baggage luggage like we talked about and they're afraid of being judged and they don't know how a community would support them what that would even look like and do they even want help yeah it kind of It kind of develops and fosters an attitude of we got this yeah and how how would they relate how could how could that person that family how could they serve me how could they relate to me and what I'm going through because you know everybody likes to pretend like they have it all together mhm it's a sad State yeah we like you know in the same way that we're we need to be vulnerable with our spouses we need to be vulnerable with each other mhm it's part of bearing burdens with one another exactly because let's be honest being remarried yeah can be burdensome mhm and just like we were created for the purpose of fellowship with God and one another that there's nowhere in the footnotes of that that says except with couples who fall into this demographic yeah we are all part of the body of Christ regardless of what that sanctification process what that Journey has looked like on the outside yeah when you have children in the mix there's also the hard realization that you have to come to and you need to forgive yourself and realize that your new family is never going to be uh quote unquote normal normal yeah it's always going to be different yeah that was that was a huge piece of information that was a grandiose tool I'll call it that we received from our counselor uh farther down the road than we probably should have or could have received it because I remember you and I like working tirelessly at trying to make things quote unquote normal and every day there was like something else that would remind us that okay this isn't normal and so being told your situation is never going to be normal it's so freeing because what it does is it removes this expectation this like over-the-top weighty expectation to try and look and be like a quote unquote normal marriage mhm because it's you're right Andy it's not going to be normal especially if there's kids mhm because you've got the others and you've got the stepparent relationship and you know all of those definitions of roles and responsibilities and all of that and and there's just so many different things so many different factors that contribute to the situation not being normal MH but what can be normalized is Grace and forgiveness MH because I think that the principles of Grace and forgiveness outweigh any other effort that we could try to perform on our own mhm we also have to consider that not only do we need Grace and forgiveness for our spouses and for ourselves but for the children right um if they're children in the equation so I mean we can't forget that because they've gone through something also yeah they have their drama they have their bruises yep they have their version of hiding yep they have their version of feeling alone or blacklisted it's very true mhm and I think we forget about that a lot we get so focused on just us which which matters it I mean it does it's you know the the the C the central part of the new family is the husband and wife but when there's kids involved then your interests are divided so to speak yeah and you're absolutely right I'm so glad you brought that up but here's the deal forgiveness and grace are intrical to the success of Christian remarriage grounded in biblical principles these virtues have the power to heal wounds nurture love and build a lasting Foundation as remarried couples embrace the transformative nature of forgiveness and Grace they embark on a journey of redemption and restoration Guided by the Timeless wisdom of the scriptures so in other words we need to embrace that future that's grounded in Grace and be reminded from the scriptures that it's by grace that we've been saved through faith and it's not from ourselves it's a gift from God we need to remember that not only do we need to extend Grace and forgiveness to our new spouses but to ourselves as well we need to give ourselves Grace and forgive ourselves so that we can create and help to create an environment that is grounded in Grace in order to move forward and have a sustainable future together as a couple and as a new family that's all we have to say about that thank you for listening to the Church oity podcast please don't forget to give us a rating and leave us a review on our next episode we will be discussing communication with love because it does matter that you communicate with love over to you Andy be sure to check out our website churchosity.com where you can follow us on all the socials become a Churchosity Patreon and fill out our new survey you can also drop us a message and give us your feedback you know because we'd really love to hear from you and don't forget to spread the word about Churchosity podcast by just simply telling a friend to tell a friend what we're doing here yeah let them be a part of the conversation too but always remember that as it says in 1 Timothy 1:5 that the goal of our instruction Is Love from a pure heart and from a good conscience and a sincere Faith so we thank each and every one of you again for listening and we look forward to catching you all on the next episode of Churchosity podcast [Music] peace [Music]

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